In the spirit of releasing a “standalone single” (until it invariably ends up on the next album) just for the hell of it, the Australian duo misleadingly named Confidence Man has teamed up with JADE to bring listeners some fresh, hot “Gossip” (not to be confused with Måneskin’s fairly recent single of the same name). Indeed, not since Lady Gaga talk-singing, “That’s gossip, what you on?/Money don’t talk, rip that song/Gossip, babble on/Battle for your life, Babylon” has a song talking about gossip been quite so catchy (though, unfortunately, not available during the period when Gossip Girl was on The CW).
This catchiness is, in large part, thangs to Confidence Man’s go-to producer Reggie Goodchild, who provides the 90s-centric dance rhythms awash in guitar notes that strongly channel Britney Spears’ underrated 2016 track, “Do You Wanna Come Over?” (produced by Mattman & Robin). These beats, paired with Sugar Bones repeating “Ah, ah-ah, ah, ah-ah, ah, ah-ah, ah, ah-ah” (à la will.i.am panting at the beginning of Black Eyed Peas “My Humps”), set the stage for Janet Planet to enter the fray. When she does, she paints the picture, “It’s so much harder than it looks, I talk about you all day/The phone ringing off the hook, I got so many things to say.” To emphasize both that point and the 90s vibe of the song (further underscored by the single’s cover art), the accompanying video takes place in a bar where there still exists a payphone. And then, as though to further do the viewer’s head in about what kind of “timeline” they’re supposed to be in, JADE appears (at first, via a split screen) with an 00s-era Nokia phone in hand as she replies to Janet Planet with, “It’s important, get it right, put yourself in my shoes/Maybe tell a simple lie, but it’s partly true.”
As though to further “mélange” what time period they’re supposed to be in, the bar itself presents as a “saloon.” An Old West-meets-campy-West Village kind of place, with the other “patrons” (and the lone bartender) all dressed in the same black attire and weimao-style hat. As though they’re grieving something—maybe the loss of their erstwhile reputation after being gossiped about. This overall sense of kitsch is puppeteered by India Harris, who has previously directed videos for both Confidence Man (“So What”) and JADE (“Plastic Box”), which makes the collaboration all the more fitting. Even though, to some, it might seem random. However, as for how the Aussie duo came together with JADE, well, it just proves that award shows remain an ultimate networking opportunity (like Madonna and Maluma meeting at the 2018 MTV VMAs and that leading to “Medellín”), as they first encountered one another at the Rolling Stone Awards.
After completing the single, Confidence Man would rightly remark that “JADE put the cherry on top of this pop sundae and we can’t stop eating.” To be sure, her vocal layerings are a key complement to the back-and-forth nature of what amounts to rumor-spreading. And, like any worthwhile song about the ancient art of gossip (e.g., Missy Elliott’s “Gossip Folks”), there’s a requisite “bandying dialogue” moment. While Elliott’s “Gossip Folks” chooses to make that about the spilled tea itself (all lies, of course), Confidence Man and JADE choose to make it about the reaction to the gossip itself, talking out the verse with, “Wait, um/Oh, my God, are you serious?/No/Fuck no/Oh, my God, she’s so good/Shut up I love talking about people/Me too, it’s so fun/I really care about my reputation and stuff but like this is not okay/I think you don’t wanna hear what people are saying about you, babe/Oh, my god, what did Tina say?/Tina said you’re a cunt (like that, like that, alright).” That last line about what Tina said being almost as harsh as Gretchen (Lacey Chabert) telling Karen (Amanda Seyfried) in Mean Girls, “Regina says everyone hates you because you’re such a slut.”
To deliver a poignant metaphor about the power of gossip (a.k.a. the potency of words), there comes a scene in the video when Sugar Bones, Janet Planet and JADE are all sitting at one of the round tables inside the bar, passing a gun back and forth as though to indicate that whoever points it at another person will unleash the kind of slander that feels as painful (and irrevocable) as the kind of damage a bullet can do. In another instant, Harris wields a POV shot as though we’re inside the barrel of the gun now being pointed by one of the patrons dressed in head-to-toe black. The effect reiterates that no one is safe from the proverbial “gossip shot” being fired.
And as this effect continues for the rest of the video, with the gun moving back and forth as though its aimer is arbitrarily deciding who to hit, the saloon motif makes all the more sense. Especially when Janet Planet bursts through the front entrance toward the beginning of the video as though she’s ready to have a showdown with JADE…or anyone else who’s been talking shit. Hence, her demand, “When you talk around town, girl, why you gotta tell me like that?” followed by the exclamation, “Gossip, oh my god/Alright, alright, alright” (surprisingly, that latter “threepeat” of the same word hasn’t been patented by Matthew McConaughey).
But it’s JADE’s line, “You only get what you deserve, you only reap what you sow/Every detail is a blur, broken bones, sticks and stones,” that speaks to the savagery—the all-out cuntiness—of gossip (that is, when it’s done right). More specifically, the delight one takes in being a cunt while gossiping. A sentiment that Janet Planet also captures when she flexes, “I don’t bеat around the bush (no, no, no, I never do)/I don’t mеan to mess about (but I wanna message you)/But when the fire starts, I simply can’t put it out (I just can’t).” This being the perfect image to describe a really juicy piece of gossip: like a wildfire started by a pyro who “just can’t help themselves.”
The result, of course, is the same as it is at the end of the video: even though people end up getting hurt, they’re still going to keep right on gossiping after recovering from the initial shock. Because to lack the self-control that keeps one from talking shit is to be human.
