To kick off their I Quit album cycle, HAIM wisely chose “Relationships” as the thesis/lead single for the record. Not only because it speaks to the overarching theme throughout I Quit—which is that relationships are a bitch (though, more precisely, a bastard)—but because it is the “most pop” offering of the fifteen tracks. Followed closely by what is now the fifth single, “All Over Me,” which offers the same sense of ebullience (courtesy of Danielle’s vocals) as “Relationships.” And yet, in both cases, the sound of ebullience belies the more sorrowful lyrics. Though, with “All Over Me,” the word isn’t “sorrowful” so much as it is determined. That is, determined to be empowered and in control of a situationship (read: having a fuck buddy). And one that was created by this woman’s own design. In short, she has achieved the rare feat of what Carrie Bradshaw (Sarah Jessica Parker) would call “having sex like a man.” A phrase/challenge brought up in the pilot episode of Sex and the City. Which is hardly a non sequitur reference when talking about the music of I Quit, since HAIM described it as “like Sex and the City—except in Los Angeles.”
But the episode of said show that “All Over Me” really conjures up is “Secret Sex” (also in season one), the premise of which centers on Carrie realizing that there are actually a lot of people who don’t want to introduce the person they’re fucking on the regular to their friends. This epiphany arising after encountering an old friend named Mike Singer (Michael Port) as he’s dining with a “mystery date” at the same Chinese restaurant where Big takes her after they have sex on the first date (which Carrie blames on her “naked dress” transforming them both into carnal animals).
As the episode progresses, and Carrie learns more about the motivation behind this phenomenon, it leads her to the main question of her column for that week: “How many of us out there are having great sex with people we’re ashamed to introduce to our friends?” Among those many, evidently, are the Haim sisters, as shown by the Ferina-directed video for “All Over Me.” And, as it is for “Relationships,” the sisters (especially Danielle) really seem to enjoy lying/lounging in sparsely furnished spaces for something like “dramatic effect.” In addition to casting “hot men” to “canoodle” with them (at least for this particular album cycle).
However, one of the key ways in which the video for “All Over Me” differs from “Relationships” is that every Haim sister gets a “love interest.” Only it’s not love they’re interested in, but a “quickie” whenever they feel like it. Which is why Danielle establishes her “apologies” from the outset with the verse, “You want us locked in, and I’ll give you my sympathy/But that’s one thing I won’t define.” Mainly because the sole way in which she might define it would be in a manner too “inelegant” for most men to take, they being so precious about their self-image and needing to believe that women couldn’t possibly want them for “just” sex (even though that’s typically the main “thing” that men want women for). So she puts it as directly as possible without labels: “Take off your clothes/Unlock your door/‘Cause when I come over/You’re gonna get some/I know it’s not/Quite what you want/Being on call for me, waitin’ up for me/But when I want you/I want you all over me.” In short, when she wants dick, she wants it tout de suite—no questions asked or declarations made.
For the Haim sisters, the “dicks” (a word that works on two levels here) in “All Over Me” are represented by Archie Madekwe (assigned to Este), Nabhaan Rizwan (assigned to Alana) and Will Poulter (of course assigned to Danielle because he’s the most “big budget” name). And, for the first portion of the video, these respective “secret sex” “couples” appear to be getting on (or getting it on) well enough, with scenes of the Haim sisters in the garden (positioned away from each other in such a fashion as to further prove their love for strategic mise-en-scène) interspersed between “thoughtful” moments with their “counterparts.” And yes, Ferina makes plenty of good use out of the shooting location, filming what seems to be every nook and cranny of the house as we see shots of each person in the stairwell or in the “under construction” room, among others.
The frequently paraded pastel color palette—showcased most blatantly via the pile of sheets that Danielle lies on—is also present in “Relationships” (and yes, mostly through the bedding selection as well). In fact, the scenes of Danielle by herself on these sheets are arguably the “raciest” of the video, with HAIM’s lead singer looking as though she’s in the midst of listening to the Divinyls while doing as they roundaboutly instructed by touching herself. However, around the two-minute-thirty-four-second mark, the visual and sonic tone shifts from one of “gentle reminder” about how this “relationship” works to a forceful “don’t get it twisted” mode. Accordingly, Danielle belts out, “Walk away from me/Don’t talk that way to me/Just trust me, uh/We’ll meet in secrecy.” Ah, that word again. Once again tying this song to “Secret Sex.” If only it had been out at the time to play softly in the background of Fung Wah, the “obscure” Chinese restaurant that Big takes Carrie to twice, therefore convincing her that she’s his “secret sex girl.”
At the same time, Carrie tries to see some “silver lining” to secret sex. Which brings her to her next barrage of questions for the column: “Was secret sex the ultimate form of intimacy? Since it existed in a pure state exempt from the judgment of the world? Or is it just another way in which we deny our feelings and emotionally compartmentalize our lives?” As far as the Haim sisters are concerned, it doesn’t matter either way. Something Danielle makes clear when she says, “Your bed or my floor, but don’t tell me that you’re in love/‘Cause I’m not trying to walk the line/And whoеver you see, I’m saying it’s fine with me/‘Causе I won’t say what I’m doing tonight.” With cold, hard “you do you and I’ma do me” “logic” like this, it’s enough to think that maybe Chappell Roan’s “Casual” was inspired by the likes of Danielle. Who obviously echoes Samantha Jones’ (Kim Cattrall) sentiments when she tells the others, “You can have good sex with someone you don’t like or respect. Or even remember.”
As for the Mike Singer plot of “Secret Sex,” he ends up telling Carrie all about his “mystery woman,” Libby Biyalick (Heather Barclay), and her many amazing qualities (including being the best sex he’s ever had in his life). Which prompts Carrie to ask him why he would want to keep someone he so blatantly cares for a secret. Mike shrugs, “She’s not the right woman for me in the larger sense. So I keep her a secret.” What he’s really saying is that Libby is too “ugly” (by the Hollywood-on-steroids standards of the day) for him, and that he’s hoping a more attractive version of her will come along sooner or later.
Perhaps the same is true of Danielle in “All Over Me,” during which she consistently sets the boundaries for where they can “be together.” Which means to say, only behind closed doors, within the privacy of someone’s boudoir. Hence, Ferina’s decision to confine the video to a single home makes plenty of “layered-with-meaning” sense. With “Relationships,” although the narrative was mostly set inside a domicile as well, there is a portion of the video that finds Danielle out in “the clerb” with her love interest, played by Drew Starkey. Therefore, “opening up” the otherwise “confined” feeling of the relationship and its dynamic. One that is, depending on which person you asked in the permutation, either “empowered” or “toxic.”
But since we’re seeing/hearing things from HAIM’s perspective, it’s on the empowered side. Or at least certainly more empowered than it was for Libby Biyalick, who eventually breaks things off with Mike because she realizes she has no interest in someone that has such “problems with intimacy” (she being too self-confident to ever suspect she was Mike’s secret sex). Perhaps whoever Danielle is talking about in this song might feel the same way.
