Carrie Gives Aidan the Forgiveness She Didn’t Get After a Cheating Confession, Or: The “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” and “Silent Mode” Parallel

The full-circle moments in season three of And Just Like That… (including “Outlook Good” and “Apples to Apples”) keep coming with its sixth episode, “Silent Mode.” A title that applies as much to how Aidan (John Corbett) is acting around Carrie (Sarah Jessica Parker) as it does to Lisa Todd Wexley (Nicole Ari Parker) putting her phone in said mode while working on her documentary with Marion Odin (Mehcad Brooks), the handsome editor who recently replaced her old one, and somebody she can’t deny her attraction to. But before that plot point is allowed to escalate, Lisa tells him early on in the episode, “I’m about to break the sacred rule of mothers everywhere and put this in silent mode.” Her punishment for breaking that rule (and being just a little too flirtatious with Marion)? She misses her husband Herbert’s (Chris Jackson) call when he tries to tell her that her father is in the hospital after having a stroke. 

Unfortunately, by the time Herbert gets to her in person, her dad has already passed on (a plot point that got many viewers up in arms based on Lisa mentioning that her father already died in season one). It’s the narrative thread of the episode that’s meant to tie together a larger theme for the other characters, which is that something is dying, or at risk of dying. This applies on a literal level for Charlotte (Kristin Davis), who has been silently dealing with Harry’s (Evan Handler) news of having prostate cancer. But, on the metaphorical level, the sudden death applies very much to the already fledgling relationship between Carrie and Aidan. And while some might argue that And Just Like That… is merely trying to show how far its views have come since the era when it was Sex and the City (which means “being open” to “all kinds” of relationships), the reality is: Carrie and Aidan’s dynamic sucks in any time period (probably even the cringeworthy 1800s one she’s going for in her first attempt at a fiction novel). Just as it did in its season three iteration in 2000, when Aidan was first introduced into the Sex and the City universe. A season during which Aidan lasted for all of eight episodes before the relationship disintegrated in the aftermath of Carrie confessing to having an affair with her “big” ex, Mr. Big (Chris Noth). In other words, she was only “faithful” to Aidan for four episodes before surrendering to her lingering attraction to Big at the end of “Easy Come, Easy Go.” 

And while she might have been able to have the affair go undetected after it ends two episodes later in “Running With Scissors,” Carrie can’t shake the guilt of keeping her sordid tryst a secret from Aidan throughout Charlotte’s wedding episode, “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.” And it all starts when Miranda (Cynthia Nixon) tells Carrie and co. at a rehearsal dinner (or is it just a “celebratory pre-wedding gathering”?) that she was testing a theory at a speed dating event, a theory that led her to tell her now wedding date, Harris Bragen (Clark Gregg), that she’s a “stewardess” (back when one could still get away with not saying flight attendant, even if Carrie does correct her). This because she realized, “Men are threatened by powerful jobs. They don’t want a lawyer, they want a—” “Liar,” Aidan interjects. The word makes Carrie visibly uncomfortable as she delivers the voiceover, “I was the liar. I’d finally ended my affair with Big, but the guilt of lying to Aidan was like a hangover I couldn’t sleep off.” Aidan is at last made to know that feeling in “Silent Mode,” showing up to “their” (but really Carrie’s) Gramercy Park residence and announcing himself (or attempting to) by throwing a couple of pebbles at the front window. The second one ends up shattering the glass, causing Aidan some rightful embarrassment. 

In the next scene, we see him cleaning up the shattered pieces (another heavy-handed metaphor) as he says, “I can’t believe this. It’s so stupid.” Those still watching And Just Like That… are having the same thoughts exactly. Especially since it seems that, more than “callbacks,” there are a lot of recycled narratives as the writing team, helmed by Michael Patrick King, (particularly) scrapes the bottom of the barrel on storylines this season. Hence, this flipping-the-script-on-cheating element between Carrie and Aidan. Of course, at the outset of “Silent Mode,” the viewer doesn’t yet know that part of Aidan’s odd behavior, complete with the unnecessary over-the-top “romantic gesture,” stems from his own guilt about sleeping with his “big” ex, Kathy (Rosemarie DeWitt). So it is that he gets hung up on ruining the glass, as it’s now a symbol of him ruining their relationship (which he already did by moving to Virginia in the first place). Trying to explain why he would do something so inane, Aidan says of throwing pebbles at windows, “It’s our thing.” To which Carrie replies, “I think maybe we need a new thing.” And perhaps, at her core, she knows what she really means is that she needs a new love interest (hence, the sudden presence of her British author neighbor, Duncan Reeves [Jonathan Cake]). 

Instead, she stands in front of Aidan and the window listening to him declare shit like, “I can fix this.” Carrie tries to make him come back down to Earth with her realism (that’s right, for once, Carrie is being a realist), knowing full well that, “You can’t replace that glass.” Not just because it’s from the 1800s (her favorite era lately), but because, “New glass just isn’t the same.” Once again, more heavy-handed metaphors. And yes, there was one in “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” as well, with the hand-made loveseat Aidan makes as a gift for Charlotte and Trey’s (Kyle MacLachlan) wedding consisting of “two different types of wood from two different trees. They blend together and make it stronger.” He then points out an inconsistency in the wood and asks, “You see this piece? This big old flaw right here…it’s not a flaw really, it’s just the way the wood is. I think it’s interesting. Kind of beautiful.” This perks Carrie up as she hopefully says, “So flaws can be good?” “Flaws are the best part,” he assures, not knowing that he’s apparently assuring Carrie that cheating is no problem (which it didn’t seem to be for him when he kissed her in Abu Dhabi [the location that served as the crux of the plot for the horrendous Sex and the City 2] while both were married to Big and Kathy, respectively).   

Earlier in the episode, Carrie keeps weighing the prospect of telling Aidan her sin, floating the idea to her friends during a bridesmaid dress fitting. This prompts Samantha to ask, “Why would you do that?” Carrie replies, “Oh I don’t know. Maybe because relationships are supposed to be built on trust.” Samantha, the only true straight shooter of the quartet, returns, “No offense, honey, but I think that ship has sailed.”

Samantha also reminds, “Men lie about this stuff all the time,” with Miranda countering, “And women find out.” But Aidan is clearly in some sort of willful oblivion bubble. And it’s one that Carrie isn’t sure she wants to burst as she explores her column’s theme for the week: “I started thinking about honesty. Maybe the whole idea was overrated. Maybe coming clean is the ultimate selfish act. A way to absolve yourself by hurting someone who doesn’t deserve to be hurt… In a relationship, is honesty really the best policy?” As far as Trey is concerned, it seems the answer is: not really. Otherwise, he might have mentioned his history of erectile dysfunction issues before letting Charlotte agree to marry him without having ever “sampled the merchandise” (this being her conservative bid to “save herself” for marriage…with Trey). 

Indeed, on Charlotte’s last night as “a single,” she drunkenly expresses her excitement about the “end of dating” now that she’s going to be a married woman. Samantha then notes, “It’s also the end of the possibility that your next great fuck is just around the corner.” This, too, being a “sign o’ the times” in that it still didn’t occur to many people that polyamory was a “viable” option. And one that might have spared Carrie and Aidan and Big and Natasha (Bridget Moynahan) a lot of heartache throughout season three. 

But since “being poly” wasn’t so readily on the menu “back then,” when Carrie does admit to her affair, Aidan chides, “I just wish I didn’t know about this.” Carrie, becoming that person who “absolves herself by hurting someone who doesn’t deserve to be hurt,” insists, “I just wanted to be honest with you. And people make mistakes.” This being a philosophy she clearly stands by when Aidan confesses to his cheating moment (albeit it was just once and not all over town in various hotels for months à la Carrie and Big). Because, rather than giving him some cold bullshit like, “I just know myself. This isn’t the kind of thing I can get over,” Carrie, as though contemplating the best reaction before responding (perhaps even thinking back to the day of Charlotte’s wedding), finally answers, “It’s so odd, but I…I kind of understand.”

Ha! She more than “kind of” understands, having once done it herself. Thus, she reaches her final, even more assertive conclusion, “I understand how that could happen.” Aidan, visibly surprised by her quick forgiveness, continues to self-flagellate by apologizing, “I’m so sorry I betrayed you.” Carrie looks at him strangely and asks, “Wha…What do you mean you betrayed me?” Aidan looks at her even more strangely and spells it out, “‘Cause we agreed to wait for each other and I slept with someone else.” Carrie responds, “I didn’t agree to that.” Ooo, Carrie’s “fast and loose” way of life is at it again. 

Before this “grand admission,” however, in much the same way as Aidan keeps trying to get physically close to Carrie at the end of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” so, too, does Carrie keep trying to do the same with Aidan until he finally breaks and confesses, “I slept with Kathy.” Again, just like Carrie breaking and confessing to Aidan about Big. Except that Carrie, when the shoe is on the other foot (as we’ve now seen), would not be so quick to “fall out of love” with Aidan (something she’s made clear repeatedly throughout season three). Aidan, though, goes so far as to say, “I really loved you”—past tense—in the final scene of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.” As though he can turn it off that quickly when slighted. Another red flag. 

As for an additional similarity between these two episodes, in “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” Carrie becomes Charlotte’s confidante in regard to some highly-sensitive information, informing her of Trey’s “can’t get it up” problem right before walking down the aisle, much the same as she ends up telling her of Harry’s prostate cancer problem (oh Charlotte’s husbands and their “down there” issues). Even though, in the latter case, it’s only because Carrie spots her in the adult diaper aisle. 

Meanwhile, Carrie, perhaps realizing in some subconscious way that she’s the better, more well-adjusted person and always was (at least between her and Aidan), wields her ever more vexing 1800s-inspired voiceover to draw the conclusion, “Despite the shatter [this goddamn glass metaphor], the woman knew the break wasn’t fatal. With time and care, it would soon be repaired. Because the ties that bound them were stronger than any spun glass.” 

But that doesn’t appear entirely true when Aidan faintly says, as he’s about to leave her for Virginia yet again, “Love you” (no longer “I really loved you”). A half-awake Carrie says nothing back, sleepily snuggling into her pillow. Likely yet another harbinger of this doomed relationship. Or maybe that was the fact that 1) Aidan slept with his ex and 2) Carrie wasn’t all that bothered by it. In the Sex and the City x And Just Like That… universe, that’s less a sign of being “evolved” and more a sign that there is quite literally a new romantic option in town.