Celebrating Lindsay Lohan’s Triumph in Making It Past 27

Twenty-seven proved to be a disappointingly tame year for Lindsay Lohan. For someone who had spent most of her twenties living in a drug-addled haze (though that may be an overstatement considering she’s only done coke “ten to fifteen times”), it seemed likely that she was bound to fall into the trap of the 27 club. But, as usual, Lohan continues to prove that she’s not going anywhere. She’ll cling to that spotlight with the vise grip of a surgeon holding a Botox needle.

Although the year of 27 was relatively uneventful for Lohan, she still had a number of trash-tastic projects to promote. In August, Lohan’s erotic thriller, The Canyons, was released. With a script written by Bret Easton Ellis, one would have assumed the movie had some potential. It didn’t, and Lohan is left with her tits very literally flapping in the wind. Perhaps the fact that the erotic thriller reached its zenith in the early 90s didn’t help the cause either.
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2013 forged ahead for Lohan with general quietness, with things picking back up in early 2014 after the documentary series, Lindsay, aired on Oprah’s channel OWN. The series was eight episodes long and received fairly lackluster reviews–a running theme in the current era of Lohan’s career. In April, Lohan continued to prostrate herself by appearing in 2 Broke Girls, which is a show possibly worse than Girls. On the more scandalous front, Lohan revealed she had a miscarriage and James Franco released a shitty short story about not fucking her at the Chateau Marmont.

Although Lindsay has resuscitated herself, it remains to be seen if she will resuscitate her public image and the ability to be taken seriously as an actress. The announcement that she’ll star in David Mamet’s Speed-the-Plow on London’s West End–a role originally played by Madonna in 1988–provides the opportunity for reinvention, or possibly another failure. But there’s no better person fit to act in a play that satirically deconstructs the movie industry.