As the Kardashian-Jenner juggernaut continues to show America just how needlessly decadent that decadent can be, it should come as no assault to the senses that basically single mother (we all know Travis Scott is doing his Offset shtick while on tour) Kylie Jenner would throw one of the most simultaneously creepy and extravagant first birthday parties in the known history of “celebrity” child birthday parties.
With the help of “event designer” Mindy Weiss, Kylie’s “vision” for the party (which came to her in a dream–apparently a very fucked up and roundaboutly narcissistic one), took grotesque shape with an entrance that must surely be an allusion to the eventual shape of Stormi’s head in order to house the ego that the Kardashian-Jenner gene prides itself on fostering.
The “StormiWorld” (not to be confused with Travis Scott’s Astroworld, which Kylie is of course paying homage to for wifely supportiveness effect) amusement park theme was enough in and of itself to connote an over the top budget for a one-year-old’s birthday party. But what surely cinched the money belt was the detail-orientedness that comes with wanting to make a significant dent in one’s bank account filled with millions of dollars (this included, but was not limited to, carnival rides, themed rooms and more flamboyant inflatable balloons to match the inflatable head at the entrance). To that end, “fries were served in pouches that resembled the Louis Vuitton logo” perhaps in order to fortify the already inevitably expensive taste Stormi is going to have. For surely, she isn’t going to want to be outdone by her female cousins and rivals (mainly North West, that bitch).
The entire absurdist description of the party (which would practically put F. Scott and Zelda to shame), in fact, sounds somewhat tantamount to a fête actually worthy of such a level of lavishness: Mary-Kate Olsen’s wedding to Olivier Sarkozy, stated by Page Six to have offered “bowls and bowls filled with cigarettes, and everyone smoked the whole night.” And even that is far more low-budget than this, again, one-year-old’s birthday party.
With expenses that likely racked up to the debt of a small country, it leads one to, once more, wonder at the gross misappropriation and misuse of wealth in a country controlled by the proverbial one percent. Of which one-year-old Stormi had the good fortune to be born into. And all without the non-chic, both celebrity spawn-wise and generally, disadvantage of being completely white. While, sure, it’s a rich person’s prerogative to use her money however she damn well pleases, is it prudent to flaunt it in such a way as to make everyone observing from afar want to vomit? Whatever happened to celebrities demanding privacy (like Jennifer Aniston’s unheeded social media ban at her fiftieth birthday)? One supposes that not desiring it in the same vein as Garbo remains the mark of a fundamentally gauche person.
But hey, “I had to go all out for my baby,” Jenner explained matter-of-factly–or perhaps delusionally, the other prerequisite for wealth apart from stupidity.
