The Sabrina Horror Picture Show, Or: The “Tears” Video

Sabrina Carpenter’s vocal doppelgänger, Ariana Grande, may have once said, “Ain’t got no tears left to cry,” but Carpenter is telling a different tale on “Tears,” the second single and video from her bop-laden seventh album, Man’s Best Friend. A song that indicates she has plenty of “moisture” left to…cry. Only not from her eyes so much as from her vag, ergo the chorus, “I get wet at the thought of you/Being a responsible guy/Treating me like you’re supposed to do/Tears run down my thighs.” Unfortunately, tears running down a girl’s thighs is an increasing rarity amid a climate of irresponsible men (in every possibly form that irresponsibility can take). 

Like “Please Please Please,” “Tears” is once again directed by Bardia Zeinali (who also, incidentally, directed the Ariana Grande video for “In My Head”). But rather than riffing on a very hetero Bonnie and Clyde theme (complete with Barry Keoghan in the “Clyde” role), this time, Carpenter opts for a rightfully kitschy homage to the masterpiece of camp that is The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Borrowing key elements from the first act of the movie, the well-timed-for-the-advent-of-fall video opens on an overhead shot of a car that’s clearly crashed (though into what is never made apparent), with Carpenter lying face-down off to the side of the passenger seat, as though she was thrown from the vehicle. 

Dressed in what can best be described as her Easter Sunday best, Carpenter “comes to” as the sound of a howling wolf in the dead of night only adds to the creep factor of her environment. Seeing that they’ve conveniently crashed right near someone’s spooky house (much more convenient than the distance Brad [Barry Bostwick] and Janet [Susan Sarandon] had to walk in order to get to Dr. Frank-N-Furter’s [Tim Curry] castle), Carpenter decides to approach the seemingly abandoned abode to get help. Even if all the signs point to the fact that she ought to just run the other way, lest, like Brad and Janet, she ends up going down a “dark path” from whence she can’t return. 

When she knocks on the door (with the “spooky vocalizing” of the song briefly playing), no one answers. Yet when she peers through the boarded-up window emanating a glowing red light, she sees a “sexy leg” with a fishnet stocking on it, lifted up on a chair. Dropping her hat at the “salacious” sight, she steps backward and sees that the front door is now partially ajar. It doesn’t exactly emulate the way Brad and Janet are greeted by the handyman, Riff Raff (Richard O’Brien, who also wrote The Rocky Horror Picture Show), suggestively remarking to the couple, “You’re wet.” Soon after, he adds, “I think perhaps you better both…come inside.” These, of course, being the kind of innuendos that Carpenter can readily get on board with (and likely part of her attraction to the cult classic). 

Just as she gets on board with Colman Domingo in the ostensible Dr. Frank-N-Furter role, along with his coterie of “colorful” guests (a polite word for pearl-clutchers to say “trans”). Guests who make Carpenter feel right at home as they sing along to such lyrics as, “A little initiative can go a very long, long way/Baby, just do the dishes, I’ll give you what you, what you want/A little communication, yes, that’s my ideal foreplay/Assemble a chair from Ikea, I’m like, ‘Uh.’” 

In the next scene, she’s thrust into a “red room,” with a number of disembodied hands (with over-the-top acrylics) disrobing her as one of them passes her a Coke-inspired can with the “brand” Tears on it and the tag line, “Get wet.” To be sure, these eerily detached arms and hands recall something out of Jean Cocteau’s La Belle et la Bête more than they do The Rocky Horror Picture Show. 

Before she knows it, she is getting pretty wet over “Colman Frank-N-Furter’s” vibe and lifestyle, finding herself pole dancing in a cornfield (something about this feeling very Pearl) as this ringleader of “dolls” (as in, “Protect the dolls”) observes her with something like aroused approval (but, like, a gay man’s kind of approval) from his perch on a tractor. Talk about campifying “butch” paraphernalia. 

The 70s (a.k.a. disco-fied) sound of the track intensifies after Carpenter announces, “Dance break,” which singals yet another backdrop change. One that showcases Carpenter in a showgirl-y number (think: Cher on The Sonny & Cher Show) as she prances along the streets of some alley (for this house is apparently magical in its ability to provide all kinds of milieus at the literal drop of a hat). 

It would seem that, having been out of the house for so long in these random outdoor settings, the abode evidently realizes it can’t sustain Carpenter’s fundamental heteronormativity, spitting her back out after her choreo with the trans residents runs its course. Once again outfitted in her “Easter Sunday” ensemble, Carpenter tries to get her bearings just as her boyfriend, billed as “the guy who has to die” (Joe Apollonio), randomly appears to say, “Baby! I’m so glad you’re okay.” Carpenter, on the other hand, doesn’t look all that glad that he’s okay, responding, “Wait…no.” 

Perhaps blaming him (and his straightness) in some way for getting her “bounced” from the house, she continues, “You died earlier I thought.” He replies, “Babe, what are you talking about?” She then meta-ly explains, “It’s a thing, it has to…someone has to die every video.” This being a reference to “Taste” (another one-word single that starts with a “T”). Looking and sounding horrified at what she’s suggesting, before he knows what’s happening, Carpenter says, “Sorry, we’ll always remember you though.” And with that, she boomerangs her high heel into his chest. 

Carpenter then gets up from the porch and declares, “You have to give the people what they want.” And what the people with, that’s right, taste want are references to The Rocky Horror Picture Show from a mainstream artist at a time when transphobia in the U.S. has ramped up at an alarming rate. Thus, Domingo’s tweet announcing the arrival of the video with, “Protect all the Dolls.”