One supposes that since “commercials” can all be put on Instagram without having to trouble oneself with paying the amount it would have required in the past to enter public consciousness via TV (and which a certain redhead clearly can’t afford right now), Lindsay Lohan decided it would be best to use her account to promote the recently opened endeavor named in honor, once again, of herself: Lohan Beach House. With a number of unnamed investors involved in the project, there’s no question Lohan is enmeshed in something shady (or maybe they’re just embarrassed to be a part of it?). In this regard, Madonna’s 2015 track “Illuminati” kind of makes sense as a song choice for advertising her latest venture.
What doesn’t add up, however, is Lohan’s use of some weird version of it that doesn’t even sound vaguely like Madonna’s manipulated voice on the Kanye West-produced track (perhaps Madonna, too, doesn’t want her name overtly attached to the resort?). Maybe that’s why she decided not to at Madonna’s Instagram account in the end, instead mentioning the beach house itself and, inexplicably, MTV (is she trying to appeal to an institution as irrelevant as herself?–as recently evidenced by trying to reboot one of the shows that made it everyone’s favorite channel in the first place).
While the original intent behind the lyrics for “Illuminati” were for Madonna to shade the media for contorting the original meaning of the word, it seems that Lohan probably isn’t aware of the fact that Madonna wrote the song because, “The real Illuminati were a group of scientists, artists, philosophers, writers, who came about in what is referred to as the Age of Enlightenment, after the Dark Ages, when there was no writing and no art and no creativity and no spirituality, and life was really at a standstill. And right after that, everything flourished. So we had people like Shakespeare and Leonardo Da Vinci and Michelangelo and Isaac Newton, and all these great minds and great thinkers, and they were called Illuminati.” For Lohan, it would appear that she likes the sound of Madonna ticking off celebrity names in the same way that she does in “Vogue,” despite the fact that she’s not doing it in a method that connotes glamor, commenting, “It’s not Jay-Z and Beyoncé/It’s not Nicki or Lil’ Wayne/It’s not Oprah and Obama/The Pope and Rihanna/Queen Elizabeth or Kanye.” No, instead, it’s Lohan Beach House. The key to everything, including true enlightenment, as Lohan would like you to believe for the mere price of the four dollar signs it’s been given by TripAdvisor (to find out the actual price, you must surrender more privacy to the illuminati by submitting your information in a query. Sod. That.).
So while Lohan frolics about on the dime of foreign investors to the tune of an off-brand rendition of the song, we have to wonder if she’s not trying to subtly tell us something as she runs on the beach in a manner that suggests more of an attempt to escape something or someone as opposed to being motivated by the sheer joy of relaxation. Then again, it could be she’s just attempting to appeal to Madonna by using a more esoteric track from her oeuvre…for that extra potential padding on investor money?
Here the original version below:
