Barbie: The Album Might Cut It In Barbie Land, But Not in the Real World

With a movie as instantaneously revered as Barbie, it’s only natural to expect an accompanying soundtrack that might do it justice. And sure, the Barbie Soundtrack, billed as Barbie: The Album, is filled with its share of sonic “moments,” but there’s nothing that ultimately seems to tie it all together for a greater sense of seamless cohesion. What’s more, the three songs that stand out the most, Dua Lipa’s “Dance the Night,” Charli XCX’s “Speed Drive” and Billie Eilish’s “What Was I Made For?,” only make the other songs sound “throwaway” in comparison (granted, “Speed Drive” has gotten plenty of hate from those who don’t see the brilliance of a woman who compares Britney and will.i.am’s work together to Lennon and McCartney’s).

Even Lizzo, who is, for whatever reason, usually counted on for a “hit,” kicks things off with a less than auspicious offering in the form of “Pink.” A track that works much more effectively when one is hearing it played against the scenes at the beginning of the movie, wherein Lizzo reworks some of the lyrics depending on the altered scenario from the previous day—when it was all staring contentedly into a glassless mirror and pretend-drinking from a cup. Not to mention giant blowout parties with planned choreography and a bespoke song. That latter being Dua Lipa’s “Dance the Night”—the most “Mark Ronson-y” number of the lot. And yes, it bears noting that Ronson, who collaborated with Andrew Wyatt, lived “in Barbie Land for over a year,” as he metaphorically phrases it. Trying to ingratiate himself in “the sugar high of Barbie, but also the crash.” This being part of the missive from screenwriters Greta Gerwig and Noah Baumbach that appears alongside Ronson’s in the soundtrack’s liner notes. But when you learn that the “Adam and Eve” songs of the record (a.k.a. the ones that Ronson initially made for it) were “Dance the Night” and “I’m Just Ken,” it tracks that such a divergent jumping-off point would lead to some major sonic schizophrenia.

The hodgepodge vibe makes all the more sense when Ronson goes on in his note to freely admit of the process, “…my main job here was to sit with Greta, brainstorm our dream list of artists and hone it down to what scene we wanted it for.” In other words, they would take whoever accepted from their “dream list” without any thought about whether that would ultimately make for a “meshing” soundtrack. But, as Mattel has shown with its marketing blitzkrieg to synergize with the movie, it’s not about what necessarily “works,” so much as appealing to as many “Barbies” as possible. The more variation there is on the soundtrack, the more potential for its songs to climb different charts. It’s all in the name of bad, dirty capitalism. But at least Barbie the movie plays with that a little more knowingly than its soundtrack, so blatantly designed to be everything to everyone (kind of like a woman).

Needless to say, there are better ways to embody a sugar high/crash trajectory that doesn’t include 1) Sam Smith spitting misogynistic lyrics as “a character” (though, per Ronson, a discussion of The Feminine Mystique with Gerwig inspired the chorus) and 2) the non sequitur appearance of Karol G’s “WATATI,” which, although the beat slaps, features lyrics that don’t really sync with the message of the movie. For Barbie, in this context, hardly gives off the signal that says, “Papi, let’s go to the club to have a good time/A lot of smoke, Aguardiente to get dizzy.” No, instead, every Barbie—Stereotypical or not—is more concerned with other, more meaningful endeavors in Barbie Land, none of which pertain to seeking out Ken for a good time, so much as having him around as an accessory.

And perhaps that’s what’s most surprising of all about Barbie: The Album—how little it lyrically ties into a film about smashing the patriarchy. Which infects Barbie Land after Tame Impala’s “Journey to the Real World” takes them through multiple landscapes until finally reaching Venice Beach. On her first pink convertible leg of the journey, however, Barbie opts for singing along to Indigo Girls’ “Closer to Fine.” This making the cut for the Best Weekend Ever edition of the soundtrack…except it’s performed by Brandi and Catherine Carlile.

Following Tame Impala on the “normal” edition though is the generic sound of Dominic Fike’s “Hey Blondie.” A “number” that comes across as though either Ronson was listening to too many Starbucks-sold compilation albums or Gerwig’s mumblecore Sacramento influence infected the mood for this particular track. Either way, the muted tones of Fike only end up making the listener wish Blondie was singing instead of this dude singing something called “Hey Blondie.” Again trying to “tap in” to the Ken persona, chauvinism rears its plastic head as Fike drones, “Hey, blondie, there’s a million eyes on you/Do you ever get curious?/Hey, blondie, there’s a million minds on you/Do you ever get furious?…/Hey, blondie, oh, hey, blondie/Hey, blondie, could you maybe just slide towards me?/Don’t want anything serious.” It might actually be the least listenable offering of Barbie: The Album. Maybe that’s why they up the “star quotient” again by placing HAIM’s song, “Home,” after it.

Considering how much of an influence The Wizard of Oz was on Barbie (along with many other classic films Gerwig has been happy to advise people on), HAIM’s “Home” instantly connects to the old chestnut, “There’s no place like home.” Something Barbie realizes rather quickly out there in the “Kendom” known as Real World’s system of patriarchy. Even though “Home” is another one of the more standout tracks on the record, it barely registers when actually viewing Barbie. Instead overpowered by the pop-y, synthetic glitz of “ditties” like Nicki Minaj and Ice Spice’s “Barbie World” (a.k.a. the ripoff of Aqua’s “Barbie Girl” that proves: ain’t nothin’ like the real thing). Produced by Rostam and Danielle Haim, the song is tinged with electro beats that immediately draw comparisons to the 2012-era vibe Taylor Swift was pulling with Midnights. And when the HAIM sisters croon in unison, “I’m going home/Take me home, just take me home/Take me home,” one can really feel Barbie’s pain in not quite knowing where that is anymore after her foray into the Real World.

As though to drive that looming sadness, um, home, Ronson places the gloomy, existential “What Was I Made For?” in the wake of HAIM. A shining diamond among most of the other froth, it does serve a useful enough purpose in sonically revealing the cracks in Barbie’s veneer (that crash after the sugar rush assignment at work again). Unfortunately, the mood is totally killed/shifted abruptly again by the next song, brought to you by The Kid LAROI, himself known for an undercuttingly misogynistic song called “Without You.” Which is certainly the polar opposite of his sentiments on “Forever & Again.” And yet, rather than “serving devotion and romance,” it’s giving creepy stalker who wants to keep “his girl’s” blood in a vial necklace (no Billy Bob shade intended). This being manifest in lyrics like, “When it all falls down, and no one is around/‘Til my breath runs out, six feet underground/I’ma be there, this will never end/I’ll always be there, forever and again” and “‘Til my blood runs cold, I won’t let you go.” Except that all Barbie wants is to be let the fuck go.

The devoted male tone persists on Khalid’s (who has also joined Eilish on a project before in the form of 2018’s “lovely”) “Silver Platter.” A song that wants to be in the spirit of late 90s “You know I love you girl” artists like Brian McKnight…by way of Ken. Because, yes, unfortunately the rule on this record seems to be that any male artist with a song on it has to be speaking from the perspective of Ken. Case in point, Khalid begging, “Oh, oh/Give me a chance/To prove that I can/Give you the world/If I was your man, yeah.” Its unrequited love aura is in keeping with the spirit of Ryan Gosling’s “I’m Just Ken” (which could still never hold a candle to Gosling singing “You Always Hurt the Ones You Love” in Blue Valentine). And yes, Gosling clearly wants to remind people about the triple threat status that got him the gig on The All-New Mickey Mouse Club in the first place, showcasing his acting, dancing and singing talents once again for the role of Ken.

Nonetheless, PinkPantheress gives Ken the shaft by mentioning some guy named Johnny on “Angel” (as in “Johnny Angel”). And it’s Johnny she’s yearning for when she laments, “Johnny, my baby, did it always have to end this way?/‘Cause one day/One day, my baby just went away/My angel (my angel)/You’re what haunts me now that you’re away.” The song itself seems as though it wants to represent the overall wide-ranging gamut of genres on the album by sounding like an A. G. Cook-produced, Irish strings-heavy wet dream (side note: it’s actually produced by BloodPop®, Count Baldor and PinkPantheress). Its sweet trilling vocals then lead jarringly into GAYLE’s “butterflies,” a “punk-y” cover of Crazy Town’s “Butterfly”—the song no one wanted to be revived. And save for the fleeting lines, “People feel better when they put you in a box/But the plastic’s gonna melt if you’re the one to make it hot,” it’s difficult to understand how this song fits in at all with the rest. Which brings us to Corporate Success 101: Appeal to Everyone.

Tellingly, there are few songs on the soundtrack that make it past three minutes, with each one perfectly packaged for easy-to-consume TikTok glory. As for the “eclecticism,” its aforementioned purposes are to tick as many “chart-topping” boxes as possible. With Ava Max’s “Choose Your Fighter,” the soundtrack achieves that potential anew as pop reenters the chat with upbeat rhythms produced by Cirkut. Max then gets on the inclusivity horn with lyrics that include, “I know this world can be a little confusing/ No walk in the park/But I can help you solve the riddle/You’re perfect as you are.” This, by the way, is something Barbie realizes when she sees an old woman sitting at a bus stop (who was rumored to be none other that the real Barbie, Barbara Handler…until fans were somewhat disappointed to learn it’s actually costume designer Ann Roth). Max continues, “If you wanna break out of the box [more tired Barbie innuendos]/Wanna call all of the shots/If you wanna be sweet or be soft/Then, go off/If you wanna go six inch or flat [a reference to the blue pill, red pill choice Barbie gets from Weird Barbie [Kate McKinnon])/Wanna wear hot pink or black/Don’t let nobody tell you you can’t/‘Cause you can.” Unless you live in one of the many nations where women are daily oppressed.

She then bursts into the chorus, “You can bе a lover or a fighter, whatevеr you desire/Life is like a runway and you’re the designer/Wings of a butterfly [nice nod to GAYLE], eyes of a tiger/Whatever you want, baby, choose your fighter.” So we’re mixing video game metaphors in with doll ones now, too? Yes. Because it’s all about synergy. Which translates to sales—for all things Mattel.

After a very odd sonic safari, we finally reach the end of the rainbow (because The Wizard of Oz and also rainbows are eclectic, get it?). And it concludes with the ultra chirpy “Barbie Dreams,” which might rival “It’s A Small World” for its relentlessly annoying cheer. Sung by FIFTY FIFTY and Kaliii, it doesn’t feel like the greatest choice to close out the album. Indeed, “What Was I Made For?” would have been the correct decision for the denouement. But, if you’ve been listening to the album this long, you’re probably already well-aware that the “best decisions” weren’t always a factor in terms of “placements.” Yet it’s a challenge to have good placements when most of the songs don’t really fit together to begin with.

As for those wondering why Matchbox 20’s “Push” isn’t on the soundtrack, one will just have to settle for Ryan Gosling covering it on the Best Weekend Ever edition. Because it would be far too big of a lie to call it the Best Soundtrack Ever edition. In truth, Birds of Prey, another movie in which Margot Robbie plays an iconic character, does a superior job of effortlessly melding all the tones and themes of the movie into the soundtrack. From “Boss Bitch” to “Sway With Me,” Birds of Prey hits all the right notes on cohesive soundtracking.

But maybe what could have tied Barbie: The Album together is what’s really missing from the soundtrack: the pure bubblegum-ness of Kesha, Britney Spears and Paris Hilton. The latter two (along with Charli XCX) actually appeared in some form or other on the Promising Young Woman Soundtrack. Itself a sort of Real World Barbie homage. Though Emerald Fennell didn’t know it at the time. Nor could she have known that she would also play the discontinued pregnant Midge doll in the film. Which probably made her too busy to weigh in (no pun intended) on the soundtrack’s direction. Though it might have helped in hindsight… For while Barbie might have revived cinema (at least for the summer), it hasn’t quite delivered on a resuscitation of the soundtrack.