Cher Horowitz may have once thought finding meaning in a Pauly Shore movie was the ultimate challenge, but, at that point, Britney and Kevin: Chaotic had not come out. It’s difficult to understand what exactly was going on in Britney Spears’ head when she decided it would be a good idea to document the early stages of her romance with Kevin Federline. Or maybe it was all fueled by a hunger to fill some sort of void by any means necessary. Whatever the reason, this short-lived reality show is easily one of the most uncomfortable pieces of visual romantic history ever made.
Britney’s whirlwind love affair began after meeting K-Fed at a club in Hollywood (obviously, where all lasting relationships begin), though the two had also met while he was backup dancing for LFO (try to remember who they were) on one her …Baby One More Time Tour. At the time, Spears was headed for London to start The Hotel Onyx Tour and decided that bringing her new crush along would be the best idea for all parties involved. In the first episode, “Can You Handle My Truth?,” Britney films herself mostly alone in her hotel room and intermixes these scenes with some personal questions she asks of her dancers and staff; this includes stock gross questions like, “What’s your favorite sexual position?” All in all, it comes across like a bad version of Madonna’s Truth or Dare documentary.
By the end of the episode, Kevin has made his first appearance, and already seems totally comfortable on camera. In episode two, “Who Said Anything About Love?”, Britney and Kevin have bypassed formalities and started making out grotesquely in night shot. By the third episode, “Scared to Love You,” their rapport has become even more incongruous as Britney is the first to say “I love you.” When it’s not returned by K-Fed, she retracts the declaration. With the awkwardness of this event, Britney shows a less “cute” side by venting “You’re all mama’s boys. That’s all y’all are.” She also insists she could kick any boy’s ass in a boxing ring with all the rage she has pent up her.
Like Truth or Dare, the show intermixes moments from Britney’s tour. These are generally the most engaging portions of the “narrative.” The so-called climax of episode three doesn’t even show the fight between the two lovers, but instead includes non-cohesive input from Britney’s assistant and Britney and Kevin.
“Magic Happens” continues the contrived drama that doesn’t really quite exist. While in Paris, Britney proposes to Kevin, which seems to make him predictably uneasy. The extended length of the final episode, “Veil of Secrecy,” focuses on Britney and Kevin’s wedding, which is “veiled” under the guise of an engagement party. Although the episode is longer, it’s really just a clip show of images from the wedding, which is supposed to convince us of the genuineness of their love.
Even K-Fed fell victim to the trap of saying, “I can’t see myself with anybody else” at the end of the series finale. Considering Britney married him the same year she had a marriage annulled to rando childhood friend Jason Alexander, Federline should have perhaps picked up on some sort of desperation–or maybe he did and that’s why he pursued the matter. Either way, Britney and Kevin: Chaotic serves little purpose other than to show that, sometimes, even reality TV can’t be edited to be interesting.