Just when you thought Sophia Loren’s bitch face couldn’t possibly top that time in 1957 when she gave Jayne Mansfield a look that could kill (or that time she had to hold the same award as Lady Gaga), she goes and continues on her campaign collaboration with Dolce and Gabbana to give us a live depiction of just how to strike that perfect “You disgust me” pose.
After a series of successful print ads for lipstick in which Loren looks as though she couldn’t care less if she was wearing the makeup or not, D&G decided to take it to the next level for their latest fragrance, Dolce Rosa Excelsa, which, from the looks of the short film, has been hand-squeezed from rose petals by hot Italian men into each bottle.
As we open on a dilapidated, yet picturesque home in the secluded countryside, Loren and a gaggle of younger men storm the edifice to renovate it. Loren, who enjoys commanding as well as contributing, screams at them, “Andiamo ragazzi! Coraggio!” They then rip down walls and cut away overgrown branches together to restore the house to its original state of beauty.
Once this element is done, Loren busies herself in the kitchen, taste testing a sauce she’s made while her male army dresses themselves in dapper attire. Finally, Loren herself prepares for whatever gathering (never quite made clear) they’re about to attend, applying lipstick disinterestedly–at which point the bitch face reaches its zenith. Perhaps it is in part because she has no patience for the young ingenues awaiting her in the front yard or maybe it is simply a side effect of being Neapolitan (though some may say it’s more due to plastic surgery). Whatever the reason for her perfect expression of odium, we can all learn something from it. Especially if we ever find ourselves walking through a well-lit alley when someone tries to fuck with us.
As one of the young men gives an innocent-looking girl named (not so coincidentally) Rosa a freshly picked rose, she gasps when a drop falls from the petal and onto her hand, then simply wipes it against her neck–it’s kind of like a Mentos commercial if you think about it. Sadly for the boy, Rosa ends up giving it to Loren–the grande dame of a matriarch–after she makes an elaborate descent down the stairs. Though she claims the rose is “Meravigliosa,” it’s pretty clear she could take it or leave it.