Please Don’t Bother Making the Life-Size Sequel Without Lindsay Lohan

Life-Size was that rare Disney movie that actually attempted to forewarn of a dystopic future in which children would cease to use their imaginations as a result of not engaging in the use of non-technologically oriented toys. Granted, one has to get past the fluff of Eve (Tyra Banks), a bubbly Barbie-inspired doll, constantly repeating trite mantras like “Shine bright, shine far–be a star!” But once you do, it’s easy to see that Life-Size is a meaningful classic in the annals of pre-teen cinema.

Thus, while it should be exciting news that there is going to be a sequel, it’s a bit unnerving to note that the only original cast member confirmed for the movie is Tyra Banks. While, yes, Lindsay Lohan is rather busy dressing up as Sharon Tate on Charles Manson’s birthday, surely she could squeeze in the time to reprise one of her better roles (Cady Heron from Mean Girls and April Booth from Machete are about the extent of the memorable ones). The only other factor apart from Lohan’s reluctance to revisit a part of her past where the future still looked promising is producers’ unwillingness to see the potential in having Lohan play an older version of Casey Stuart.

The easy move would be to get Tyra to play alongside another young ingenue, like Kiernan Shipka or something, and have Eve save yet another damaged child from herself. But the better, more layered script would consist of a deadbeat, down and out Casey drinking her sorrows away at the bar when Eve shows up to help her once again. Of course, she would refuse to acknowledge Eve’s existence, comprising the bulk of the problems in Act Two. In any case, Disney would be a fool to turn its back on Lohan, who has always been at her best when working with the kid-friendly juggernaut. This is the network’s chance to be cutting edge, to blaze the trail. But alas, they’ll probably settle on Elle Fanning.