Taking Taylor Swift’s Advice About How to Experience New York City May Result in the Most Banal Day of Your Life

The more New Yorkers hate on Taylor Swift, the more it seems the city itself seems to embrace her. This was recently further proven by her being allowed to perform “Welcome to New York” on New Year’s Eve in Times Square. With an utter disregard for how much Taylor Swift does not represent the archetype of what New York means to people (though Swift is becoming an increasingly accurate talisman of what the city is shifting toward: a grotesquely commercial entity, with no fucks given about anything except conforming for money), the tourism board a.k.a. NYC Go has created a series of videos of Taylor Swift telling tourists how best to enjoy the city. The result? Sheer banality.

Talking nonsense about NY to make it seem as inviting as possible to tourists
Talking nonsense about NY to make it seem as inviting as possible to tourists
As the well-paid cheerleader for a post-Bloomberg New York, Swift insists, “Everywhere you go it’s impossible not to fall in love.” Well Taylor, I think some tourists might disagree with you when they see that well-fed rat scurry past them on the subway platform. In the same segment, entitled “I Need to be in New York,” Swift reminisces in a contrived manner, “New York kind of pulled me here like a magnet. I was intimidated by the fact that it was bright and bold and loud.” Um, okay. So basically Swift was intimidated by ever leaving her house.
An embarrassing lesson for all involved
An embarrassing lesson for all involved
As for any “guidance” a tourist might hope to find from Swift, they’ll be treated to such gems as, “Having a good latte or a good cup of coffee is really important to me” and “I like how you don’t really have to make a plan. If you want, you can just let the day happen.” Great, thanks for telling them absolutely nothing about where the fuck they should go. What are they supposed to do with, “You just find places.”?
"Stoop" is, according to Swift, "like a porch"
“Stoop” is, according to Swift, “like a porch”
Swift continues her spiel by reassuring outsiders that New Yorkers are not the insensitive assholes everyone assumes they are by assuaging, “There’s a coziness to it here.” And then there’s Swift’s guide to New York vocabulary, with useless highlights of “bodega,” “Houston Street” and “stoop.” Thanks for the helpful definitions that confirm the City of New York is very accepting of the extremely dim-witted.


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