Suppression, Or A Betty Draper Thanksgiving

When it comes to the holidays, and Thanksgiving in particular, it’s important to take a fat Betty Draper/Betty Francis approach: eat daintily, if at all. During Betty’s fat period (all of season five), she became the big butt of a larger joke: being fat is a universal stigma and should be avoided at all costs, lest you have to go on Weight Watchers or some other such gauche diet plan.

What Betty teaches us above all about Thanksgiving is that it’s a far better reward to deny yourself the shame of eating mass quantities in front of a group of people than to subject yourself to the judgment and scrutiny of liberal food consumption. If you must consume anything, let it be alcohol. At least then, you’ll pass out and prevent yourself from eating.

Betty, who shows us the power of restraint as the fifth season comes to a close, is a true inspiration for us all on Thanksgiving–in fact, the only thing that could make her more inspiring is if she was actually thin while refusing to engage in gorging on carbs and other assorted obesity-promoting foods. Not only is Betty a whiz at suppressing her appetite, but she’s also a genius at suppressing her emotions–which is key to surviving your family during the holidays. So when you think of shoveling another bite of mashed potatoes into your mouth this Turkey Day, just imagine Betty Draper/Francis counting her points as she nibbles on a pea. It will help keep your so-called appetite in check.