Not To Be One-Upped By Prince William and Kate Middleton, Kimye, Too Expects Third Child

As a testament to the devolved state of the United States, it’s often been stated that Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are the closest thing to royalty we have (the latest issue of Interview magazine touting Kim as some sort of Jackie O figure with North West as a prop certainly further wants to affirm this false notion).

The last respected monarchy on earth, however, might feel differently about how easily the American people worship idols with no trace of blue blood. And with the announcement of Kate Middleton’s pregnancy made five days after the much revered twentieth death anniversary of Princess Diana, it’s clear Prince William and the Duchess of Cambridge made a thoughtful consideration of when to announce the pregnancy, not wanting to steal the thunder totally from the honoring of the future potential heir to the throne’s grandmother. Momentous in nature for the fact that this third child will not be discriminated against for its gender, but follow the order of the chronological line queuing up for the successorship of whoever miraculously follows Queen Elizabeth (one still maintains Prince Charles will die before her), America’s own “royalty” has decided to do Britain one better with its similarly timed third addition–crafted from the womb of a surrogate.

The implementation of a surrogate makes sense when considering both the complications of Kim K’s last antichrist spawn and Kanye’s recent Sacramentan breakdown that must surely have been in part from all his psychological warfare with Taylor Swift. After all, who has time to bone when so much self-care is required (Ye with his ego, Kim K with dialing back on social media in the wake of her Paris robbery)? And even though British royals have had their share of problems with conception (see: Henry VIII), they’ve never resorted to the “impure” form of birth-giving that is “petri dish pregnancy” (Dolce and Gabbana would be proud).

But even if Kimye’s third child is something of a flaccid dud in comparison to North, already a seasoned veteran of just saying to to press, it’s surely served a purpose in showing the British royal family that American celebrity can’t be tangoed with.