If Ariel Pink Was Your Boss…

If Ariel Pink was your boss, everything would be better. The working world as you know it would cease to be a horrendous place that you dreaded to enter. There would not be cubes, just an open space with carpeted floors that had stains on them and drugs strewn throughout. And it wouldn’t be the “pretentious” type of open space, like startup companies that rent out lofts in SoHo. It would be more David Lynchian than that. The setting would be decidedly macabre, yet somehow conducive to creativity.

The business that Ariel Pink would run might be somewhere in between a record company and an advertising agency, and there would more than likely be no job titles. You might get paid regularly, but probably in random intervals–a portion of which that would include free drugs. The desire to win his approval would be nonexistent, because he would give it to you without reservation. A merit system would be unnecessary, because you would actually enjoy the time you spent at an Ariel Pink-run workplace. The sole rule that would be enforced is that he would be the only one who could pick the music that was playing in the background while you worked.

But honestly, we all know his musical taste would far surpass yours anyway. You would really just want to work there for the playlist more than anything. And, of course, the temperature climate would feel like a beautiful ocean breeze as that’s the atmosphere Ariel Pink brings with him wherever he goes. His vibrantly hued hair would light up the room every time he walked in, and you would somehow feel a little bit better about your day.

But alas, Ariel Pink is not your boss. And that’s the real reason you hate your job. Because people like Ariel Pink don’t work in a corporate setting, yet you have no other choice than to endure it.