Carey On

Depending on who you ask, Mariah Carey is either a goddess or a trashy ho. Whatever your opinion may be, there’s no denying that the half-Irish, half-Venezuelan has belted out some unforgettable songs. The Long Island native has also split the jury on whether or not she’s a total psycho or just a recovered one (see: July 19, 2001), but being married to Nick “White Face” Cannon is proof enough that she’s the former.

But of course before Cannon, there was the endurance of Tommy Mottola as a romantic and professional influence. With a wedding that consisted of guests like Ozzy Osbourne and Barbra Streisand, there was obviously no chance that it would last (as all celebrity weddings with guests that have a large ego are always usurped by the lingering essence of said egos). But once Mariah’s marriage ended, she was able to truly shine with the release of Butterfly–a fitting album title for someone finally freeing herself of the shackles of a fledgling marriage.

A wedding of epic proportions
A wedding of epic proportions

With Butterfly, Carey proved that she was capable of being a more “visual” artist (which really just means showing more tits and ass, but, you know), even though she had yet to–and still hasn’t–proven herself from a touring standpoint due to the fact that she would probably burst several vocal cords as a result.

Post-1997, Mariah had a rough road toward insanity, culminating in the release of Glitter, hospitalization for an “emotional breakdown” and Charmbracelet. However, this was all worth it in order to get to The Emancipation of Mimi. Featuring some of her best songs, including “We Belong Together,” “Shake It Off” and “It’s Like That,” this album was difficult to trump–as proven by the subsequent E=MC² and Memoirs of an Imperfect Angel (though it did have “Obsessed” on it). But in spite of Mariah’s music reaching another plateau, her scandal factor did not–thanks to a little help from Nicki Minaj.

The real message Mariah gives us all, apart from “Love Takes Time,” is that one must “Carey” on, regardless of how our impulses to marry inappropriate people, wear oversized men’s t-shirts on national television and engage in feuds with rappers who could kick our ass.