A Man Needs A Clean House: Things We Learned from Twin Peaks’ Leo Johnson

Leo Johnson: He’s a man with many hang-ups. His volatile nature could, perhaps, only ever be dealt with or tamed by his battered wife, Shelly. Without her patience and endurance, Leo might never have gotten some of his finer points across about how to be a “good woman.” Here are just some of the cherries picked up along the way of observing Leo throughout his regression on Twin Peaks.

Storage.
Storage.

If you need to store or hide drugs, the best place is in the bottom of a new pair of shoes.

If your wife “loses” your favorite blue shirt, beat the shit out of her with soap in a sock (see above clip for the more cheerful sounding Italian dub).

If you’re in a comatose state, you should still get people to throw you a birthday party–even if it’s your wife and her paramour.

If you’re going to deal drugs, get involved with French brothers. That way, when one gets taken out, you’ll still have the other one. And you can pretend not to understand them when you don’t want to because of the accent.

Jacques Renault, the first French brother to go.
Jacques Renault, the first French brother to go.

If you’re going to have a single catch phrase, make it two words (e.g. “new shoes”).

If you have to get taken into captivity, make sure it’s somewhere picturesque, like a cabin in the woods.

A not so great meeting of minds.
A not so great meeting of minds.

If you have to make an exit, do so ambiguously so that everyone questions whether you’re dead or alive. It just makes you seem far more important in the whole Twin Peaks mystery.

Finally, “a man needs a clean house.” Both literally and figuratively. And so, there it is. Some helpful hints on how to live your life the Leo Johnson way, courtesy of David Lynch’s epic rendering of one of the show’s most memorable characters.