A Few Concept Ideas for the Britney Spears Musical

The notion of Broadway turning the oeuvre of Britney Spears into a musical sounds both like a taste of a poison paradise and exactly what one would expect to happen to a woman who has been pecked at and capitalized on more times than most pop stars in the industry. And yet, if it’s really to get the go-ahead, one hopes that it will be a bit grittier than Mamma Mia!—tinged with a bit of the darkness of the Blackout album and the aesthetic of the Hotel Onyx Tour.

Yes, this is probably more than one can hope for, and it will inevitably end up having more of a Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen plotline, but if anyone on the creative team for the musical that should be called Toxic is listening, here are some concept ideas and impressionistic scenes that could really lend new layers to the dimensions of Britney’s canon.

A teen girl finds out she’s pregnant to the tune of “…Baby One More Time,” calls her boyfriend on her Razr a lot only to find that he’s moved to a different town. She gives the baby up for adoption. One year later, to the background of “Oops…I Did It Again!,” she has unprotected sex once more with another new kid in town and the same thing happens. Only this time, she decides to keep the baby. Feel free to blend in subtle undertones of “Papa Don’t Preach” here.

A high-powered woman in the world of Midtown must contend with dealing with an old flame who takes over her company as “From the Bottom of My Broken Heart” swells upon her re-encounter with him again in the board room. A few nights later, she finds herself succumbing once again to his charms in his hotel room while “Toxic” narrates the vibe.

Open in on a madame in a brothel while “Invitation” from Glory plays. Later the madame will serve as an unlikely heroine by taking a bullet for one of her least attractive, therefore least moneymaking, prostitutes while “Piece Of Me” punctuates the dramatic moment.

A young boy struggling to come out to his parents during the Bush era daily tries to masturbate to straight porn, all the time singing “I’m A Slave 4 U”—that slavery clearly being a testament to obeying the heteronormative maxims of the era.

A Helen Lawson/Neely O’Hara type rivalry dominates the majority of the plot, with a dynamic number where the duo has a dance-off to “Me Against the Music.”

A vengeance-seeking succubus acting for womankind everywhere fucks and kills every one-night stand she has with “Womanizer” playing during each murder.

Sweat shop with “fun” feel and only employing white women has rebellion instigated by the ringleader of the group declaring, “Make Me…”

Orgy scene with “Slumber Party” as soundtrack.

Transgender operation in progress to “I’m Not A Girl, Not Yet A Woman.”

As you can tell, the opportunities for doing something a little bit edgier and more political with Britney’s work are manifold. Kindly do her work some Broadway musical justice.